Just what IS deep in the heart of Texas?

… toll booths, that’s what.

Today I want to join Bruno in a full-on ALL DAY LONG sleep-off.

But I can’t. Kenny is home sick with fever (which, amazingly enough, lifted about 2 hours after school started) and I’m trying desperately to get caught up from not working yesterday.

Where was I yesterday?

Well, THAT is a story.

I drove into Houston to attend a one-day course about Internet Lead Generation with a new client. Don’t fall asleep, please. I swear I’m not giving a tutorial.

I was thankful to have an opportunity to speak face-to-face with the client and others in her office, but we were both a bit disappointed by the content of the course. However, I won’t chalk it up to a wasted day because there were ideas stimulated about the site in our personal discussions, plus I have a better understanding of how to promote their “product” through their design. And finally, the women are truly fabulous and I enjoyed their company.

The day would have been MUCH BETTER if I was still as familiar with Houston as I used to be. In spite of printing off my Google Map directions, I still managed to go 20 minutes out of the way with one wrong turn on the Sam Houston Tollway. And let me tell you – when you’re on the Tollway, those mistakes are EXPENSIVE and miles long. I felt like I was tossing $1.50 worth of change into the toll bucket every 5 minutes.

By the time I arrived at my destination I was only five minutes late, though $12.00 invested, so that wasn’t to bad. Gah!

Because I had used up all the coins in my ‘burb, I had to stop and get more coinage for the toll road to go home.

I didn’t get quite enough coinage and on the very last toll I had to pull to the very far right side for the “FULL SERVICE – CHANGE MADE” line. I was met by a stern faced, at least 80 year old, Asian woman in a questionable blouse.

“Hi” I said, fumbling through my wallet.

*nothing*

“I ran out of change…” – still fumbling through my wallet…a bit more desperately than before.

*nothing*

“…at that last toll both – are you guys every 200 feet or what?” Now a full-on search is going on through my bag, the console, glove compartment, and pockets.

*nothing*

Acting as if I was gonna hand her the tampon I found in the glove compartment, “How far will this get me?” – my ill attempt at humor in an uncomfortable situation.

She literally spits out her gum laughing at me. Which, to be honest, broke the tension – because I had just realized I was flat out of change and paper money, period.

Snickering and leaning over the edge of her booth to see where her gum went, she says, “This first time I heard that one.”

I’m considering asking if they take debit cards or belly lint. “I’m nothing if not original.”

She says, “Give me your driver license.”

I’m mortified – thinking I was going to get some kind of toll ticket and was looking around for the toll troll to carry me off to toll prison.

She hands me back an I.O.U. for the toll. It says I have 7 days to mail it in before the troll comes to get me. I sign it and hand it back to her. I feel a bit better, but no less lost, as I put my driver’s license back in my wallet.

Exasperated I ask “Where in the world is I-45? I’ve been driving forEVER and I just need to get to Interstate 45.”

Pumped with some new enthusiasm the woman is nearly bouncing, pointing down the road and says, “YOU ALMOST THERE! Keep straight … it ahead of you! YOU ALMOST THERE!”

I never wanted to kiss an 80 year old woman so badly in my life. Not that I’m prone to kissing 80 year old women, but if I were – she’d be #1.

“Is this the last toll?” – I’m almost whimpering now.

“YES! YOU DRIVE! I-45! DRIVE!”

And I did.

All the way home.