Loss and Healing
|2.Mar.2010When I jumped back into blogging again I posted My Personal Blog List – a few highlights of things I wanted to talk about; one of those “things” was Bruno, the Great Pyrenees we adopted from a local rescue group.
I put off writing this particular post because it’s a sensitive subject and I am fully aware many will not agree with mine and Jeff’s decision. I am not certain I can handle the ugly comments or emails that may follow, so if you do have “choice words” regarding our decision it is my hope you will hear my heart and keep them to yourself; the decision was not entered into lightly. I still struggle with the thought that maybe…just maybe, there was something else I could have done – something I missed.
In the course of writing this blog I have shared about Bruno on several occasions. The last time I wrote about him was in October 2008 – it was a post aptly named A little help with our dog. Bruno’s skin issues and discomfort had escalated and we were trying to find a way to get him off the Steroid/Antibiotics cycle.
In response to that post there were many comments and many more emails; I read each one – thinking maybe someone would lead us somewhere that could provide Bruno the much needed relief he deserved. Over the course of another year, and a few more “ideas” we were back to square one; nothing worked. It was frustrating for us, but for Bruno, it went beyond common annoyance – he became more and more uncomfortable, lethargic and sick as he was literally eating through his skin.
The final straw was his inability to sleep. He paced the house at night, unable to settle. Uncomfortable in his own skin, he stayed sick to his stomach, developed multiple ear infections, and of course, there was the constant itch. The lack of sleep was wearing on his ability to fight off infection. His skin began deteriorating fast and he lost nearly all the hair on his legs, around his bum, in patches across his back, around his eyes and his muzzle and ears. He was going downhill fast. Jeff and I knew the time was drawing close for us to step-up and do the hard thing; we prepared the kids, gave them time to spend with him, and scheduled a vet appointment.
Our vet, Dr. Green, knew Bruno and his history. He knew all the normal to outlandish things I had tried and he had been supportive throughout. That day he answered the only question that mattered…”Is there anything else we can do?” His answer was “No.”
He left the decision to me and Jeff how to proceed.
And we decided to “release” Bruno.
To some it may be insignificant that I fell apart in the office, that Jeff took care of the details so I could go outside and get control of myself. I’m ashamed to say I wasn’t strong and I certainly didn’t know, at that very moment, if I was making the right decision or not. All I knew was my dog had slowly sickened in our care and there had not been a single thing I could do to change it. All I managed was to love him along the way and to make him as comfortable as possible; which just wasn’t enough towards the end.
It has been 5 months and I can now say I am confident we made the right decision back in October – not because I’m glad to be rid of the burden of caring for a sick dog, not because there is any replacement for him, but because I am certain we did everything we knew to do and Bruno would have suffered if we tried to hold on any longer.
We turned a new chapter in our lives as dog owners and at Thanksgiving we introduced two new pups, Max and Lily, into our family; as I stated in my previous post, they are a healing balm.
And yes, I am sure some of my attachment to these two Yorkies has much to do with the void Bruno left, but Max and Lily came at just the right time – a time when both Jeff and I were ready to jump back in and give the time and effort it takes to raise dogs and make them a part of our family.
And they are VERY MUCH a part of our everyday lives…whether at play, during school, or when I work – they are always nearby.
Max is the smallest of the two pups, almost half the size of his sister. He has a beautiful stance and coat and would probably be the perfect stud, but we don’t intend to breed.
He is an absolute weenie, hates getting his paws wet, refuses to use the restroom if it is raining outside, and squeaks if you so much as look at him funny. At the same time he is a great snuggler, doesn’t get too rowdy, is a great big brother to his sister, and takes his role of household protector seriously – even if his bark couldn’t scare an ant.
Lily is large for a Yorkie – she gets hyped up easily, tends to be independent, will gladly eat her and her brother’s breakfast and dinner, and morphs into a roadrunner come 7:00 pm – speeding about the house as if Wyle E. Coyote is after her.
She is fast, extremely outgoing and friendly, loves to play fetch, and is so stinkin’ smart; I swear she was potty trained within two weeks of coming to our home. She has a soft, thick coat and a special way of looking at us that makes her look just like she’s smiling.
At 17 weeks they are a complete joy. They were also a joy at 14 weeks, 12 weeks, 10 weeks and 8 weeks; I couldn’t say what age I’ve liked better.
They are best friends, which has made having the two of them so easy on us; they have each other and they have us and it seems to be enough.
They play hard and sleep hard…claiming blankets, bean bags, the couch, and whatever other soft surface they can find to bed down.
I am enraptured and so is Jeff – and while some may say these pups are spoiled, we think maybe it is the other way around.
27 Comments
Valerie
I had tears in my eyes reading your post. It’s such a difficult thing to go through. I’m glad you found new dogs to share your life with, they add so much joy. I was fortunate to find a new lovable dog when we lost our beloved Sammy (she was 12); Opal is the opposite of Sammy, except that she is just as loving and loyal. I can’t imagine living in a dogless house.
MariaV
(((((HUGS)))))
Mim
I’m still trying to compose myself after reading this. I know first hand how difficult it is to make that decision. Last November we had to make the decision to let our 14 yr old Yorkie go. It was so difficult but we knew we were making the right decision for her. Our house is still empty and I’m not sure when or if we will be adding to it. I think I’m ready but My Love is not. His heart isn’t quite ready yet. It’s good to see that you all have found the road to healing through Max and Lily. I’ll have to share this post with my husband.
Dawn
My parents just had to put their dog down and I’m going to tell you what I told my mom when she asked if she had done the right thing……..one of the kindest things you can do after a dog has given you their heart is to know when it’s time. When they’ve had enough. When they look at you with those big eyes and tell you they are hurting here and can you do something to stop it.
Dogs give us everything inside of themselves and ask for nothing. What you did was the kindest thing you could have done. He was in pain and suffering. I’m sure there was a moment when you looked at each other and you said “Okay. Enough. I understand.” Now he has run over the Rainbow Bridge and is playing with every other animal we have all loved so much. If he could say something to you now I’m sure it would be “thanks mom.”
You did good.
Big hugs for you today!!!
dawn
mamalang
First, anyone that has read your blog at all knows that the decision you had to make was not an easy choice for you. Unfortunately, sometimes we are called to make the difficult decisions, and I believe that you would not do so without weighing all the options and choices first. I hope that you continue to heal from the pain the situation has caused you.
Second, my MIL has a yorkie. She’s a little older than your babies, and she is a “runt” and too small to have babies, which is fine since we have no plans to breed her. She is fiercly loyal to her family, and adores her “babies” (otherwise known as my children….lol) She is also a demanding little brat, but she has been the best companion for my MIL, and I truly believe that she was the best medicine while my MIL fought breast cancer. I’m glad you found them, and that they’ve become a part of your family so easily!
And thank you for sharing.
Samantha
Thanks giving must be the time to get new dogs. Our dog Emma is getting very old, has survived cancer, but that doesn’t change that fact that she is simply getting too old. Over thanksgiving my sister and I went to the store to buy some christmas movies we didn’t already have. Then my sister suggest we go to the pet store where her friend works to see these maltese puppies to remember what Emma was like as a puppy. When we got there there was another puppy that stole our hearts. I never buy things on impulse, well at least not things that aren’t on clearance. But somehow I became another person and helped my sister convince my mom to come to the store even though she didn’t feel good. About two hours later we had a new member of the family, Rufus. He is a beautiful miniature american eskimo, I call him fluff-n-nutter. Though at first I thought it was a mistake because I had to care for him and do finals, I know now he is a blessing to our family. I believe he’ll give all of us extra strength and comfort when its Emma’s time to go.
Jackie W.
OMSC
Oh My Stinkin’ CUTE !
We live in the country & have Oreo Cookie cows, http://www.beltie.org, or Belted Galloway cattle.
Our oldest son lives in the old farm house across from one of our pens where we keep the steers.
We have agreed that he can have no more dogs since they end up herding our cattle & knawing on legs & necks. Some dogs just do not work in certain environments.
When he graduates & moves elsewhere maybe he can have a yorkie ! That is the only indoor dog we had before kids.
Carole
I am so sorry Heather, I am sorry i didnt know Bruno is gone, and I am so sorry for the decision you had to make. Love and hugs to you!
cheri s
you did the right thing. adorable pups
Valerie
You did the absolute right thing. Dogs who are constantly pacing like that are in pain….I had the same experience with my dog years ago and had to make the same choice. I cried for a week solid. The two new little additions to your family are just adorable….as you are fully aware. Isn’t it something how much we love them (our pets) and the joy they bring into our lives. Keep smiling sweetie….Spring is nearly here!
Margaret
I had to make the same decision with our loved cocker spaniel. He was 13 and had medical issues. The only thing was I feel guilty for not being able to be there for him. I told the kids to say goodbye that it was a regular vet appointment. I made it sound important so they gave him extra love. Then I left him with the vet and walked out. I loved that dog. I had to deal with it that way in order to deal with it. At the time I was a single mother with two kids. No shoulder to lean on. I did the right thing but I hope I did it the right way. We now have a beautiful new pup who is wonderful, young and healthy.
MissCaron
God bless you all! That is such a hard decision to make but I am of the firm opinion that we treat our animals better than we do ourselves … we offer them the ability to be removed from their maladies. It’s a hard choice to make but always the right one. How awful to suffer like that. Again, you did the right thing. Plus, how wonderful that you have TWO new “children” to look after now. What a blessing!
Tickled Red
Ohh… my heart broke for you while reading this. You did right by him, he would have only suffered that much more. I am glad that you have found solace and love with your new babies.
Best Wishes
Dad
Bruno was an extra special dog and a joy to be around. Whenever I entered the OMSH house, Bruno wouldn’t leave my side … I loved that dog and that dog loved me. Or at least, love the attention he got from me. But, I also saw Bruno hurting and even though he was as sweet as ever, he was obviously very sick. It hurt to watch him and I know it hurt to give him final relief from his pain. But his hurt is over, ours still remains. Even so, glad you and Jeff made the decision, it was the most loving thing you could do and I’m so happy you found two pups to bring you the joy that took only one big pup (Bruno) to give you before.
All that said, when I get sick would you get a second opinion first?
Dad
Naomi
your decision was not an easy one. however, it wasn’t a selfish one. thinking of the one you loved so much suffering above your own wanting to have him around for your sake was the best decision you could make for the pup you loved.
i’m glad you’ve been able to find solace in the rambunctious pups. they look like real cuties. :)
OMSH
We are so appreciative for all the personal sharing of the love many of you have had for your pets; pets you’ve lost along the way, one way or another. We realize it is hard and fresh for some of you. Thank you.
bethany actually
I had to make the same hard decision about a much-loved cat once, so I really sympathize with you guys. Having met Bruno and knowing what a special dog he was and how much you guys loved him, I’m sure you never would have made such a decision lightly. And I’m glad Max & Lily have been such a great addition to your family!
Kate
I believe God gave us animals to love, to care for, for companionship and to help. And it sounded like Bruno needed your help desperately. You tried everything you knew to try, and it obviously wasn’t an easy decision. The hard ones never are, are they? But I know in my heart you did the right thing for Bruno. Feel no guilt over it.
I had a kitty once that I had to do the same thing for. And I’ll never forget the kind words the vet said to me: “If only every animal had such a loving and caring owner to make such a tough decision, who put THE ANIMAL’s best interest ahead of their own.”
I work in a hospital and when people reach the point that Bruno did – where all medical help has failed and they are suffering – we keep them sedated and medicated until their bodies quit altogether. What you did was much more humane.
And now you have two little ones to love and care for. They’re lucky to have you.
Lanna
I’m so sorry you had that kind of heartbreak. That can never be fun.
But on the other hand, oh my heavens are the new pups super cute! Our neighbor has a similar looking dog that my kids just love, love, love when it escapes into our yard so they can play with it. Entertains them for hours until the dog gets tired out and runs back home for a nap.
Aunt Vicki
I knew that not only making your tough decision, but following through with it was difficult on the whole family; and can empathize, having had to make those same choices. But God is good and knows what we need and WHEN we most need it, so I’m so very happy for you to have Max and Lilly, who others may not know, were sired by an off-spring of my Yorkies. These little darlings just have a miraculous way of weaving cords of love and happiness into your heart, and I know they give as much love back as they receive (if not more). Thanks for sharing this full circle story, even though I’m sure it was still difficult to write.
BeachMama
Oh my heart breaks for you and your loss of Bruno. It has been almost two years since we said good-bye to one of our two dogs, and I still tear up thinking about him and miss him terribly. How wonderful that you have Max and Lily to run around and comfort you.
Kim
{{Heather}} We also have an itchy dog, our pug Wilbur has some incredibly itchy days. I can’t imagine the decision you’ve had to make, but know when I look in the eyes of our guy when he’s unbearably miserable, we would make the same choice. Fortunately, we have more good days than bad. Your two new furkids are absolutely adorable. Our Wilbur is also particular about getting his toesies damp and prefers to hike on the door facing rather than venture to the yard. Gotta be quick to usher him out! Love ya, Kim
Moorea
You absolutely did the right thing. We had to do euthanize our 12 year old Rot/shepherd mix two weeks ago. I miss him terribly. Even though he would have gladly kept suffering so he could watch over us, I knew he did not deserve that. You tried all you could to cure your dog, and he knew you loved him! I am so happy you are able to have two new dogs to fill your hearts!
:D'anne
Tough decision, but a most unselfish one. I’ve been there more than once and it’s the only compassionate thing to do. Beautiful new little furry family. Yorkies have such sweet personalities and faces.
Lisa Q
I am so sorry, that is a hard thing to do, but the right thing. Growing up we had a dog that ended up with mouth ulcers. My parents tried everything, but the dog was miserable; the best thing was to let him go. It was hard, but was just going to continue to suffer.
I have never had a Yorkie, but I know they are suppose to be wonderful. Enjoy the new members of your family.
Kate
You did the hard thing, but it was the right thing. Don’t second-guess yourself. Just focus on all the good times you had with your dog, and the good times you’re having with your two new puppies.
berit
I did not read the comments, but I support your decision. I still get teary-eyed when I think about my dog, who we’ve lost after 15 years of pure joy *sigh*